All I ever wanted…

Have you seen the gorgeous Melimelo bags? There’s one that resonated with me so much. The slogan on it was ‘All I ever wanted was everything’ and I am so guilty of this. But what do you class as everything? Is anyone ever truly happy and satisfied with what they have? It’s human nature – we always want more.

When I was younger I used to think when I have the perfect house, car, clothes,figure and designer handbags coming out of my ears…that’s when i’ll have ‘made it.’ Approaching 30, renting, covering my lumps and bumps in primark leggings and barely being able to afford a gingerbread house – let alone the dream house on rightmove, I see now that that, in fact was not ‘everything.’

Seeing people I love, fighting just to stay alive, to have one more sniff of a loved ones head. To get oxygen into their lungs. To hear I love you one more time. You realise that however lovely it would be to have the materialistic items – none of it means anything really. You wont want to hug your designer shoes when the end comes, you wont be flicking through photo albums of your top spec cars, reminiscing about how much money you’ve spent over the years. It will be the people that you shared your life with, the ones you gave life too and the friends along the way…that’s who you’ll want there, that is what matters. Money may be able to buy you a certain amount of happiness but it cant buy you life.

I am very lucky to have been able to of had two beautiful children that I love with every atom of my being, I have a wonderful partner, mother, siblings and friends. My children have their health and I have mine to be able to look after them and watch them grow – and that, to me…is in fact – MY EVERYTHING.

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Christmas past…

I miss the Christmas of the past. Selection boxes were a proper present and the only thing I wanted most in the whole world was a Furby (which I got). You’d have family members coming out of your ear holes there were so many. I remember sitting round that table looking up in awe of everyone being together, merry, full of love – or baileys (or both). 

Year after year of grandads war stories & him falling asleep after dinner clutching my new teddy, uncle stu telling us funny anecdotes or stories about who he was dating at the time, my lovely step dad laughing and drinking a JD and coke, mum and nan pottering around in the kitchen and dancing, my little brother playing with his toys and when she finally came into the world (when I was 16) my little sister being handed around the table like pass the parcel. 

Those days were my happy place. The thing I looked forward to every year. Fast forward the last 10 years and we’ve lost a lot. Grandad went first, followed by nan a year later. Mum and her brother subsequently had a falling out, each year our table decreasing by one. For a few years it was just us; Mum, Mark (my step dad) me, Little bro and sis and that was fine. Then my daughter came along 6 years ago, a brand new addition and another (high) chair around the table. 

Two years ago we were dealt the biggest blow yet. My stepdad Mark passed away after a long battle with MS. He was 52. The following Christmas was the hardest. I lost my Christmas spirit and I don’t think I’ve fully regained it yet. I know I’m lucky to still have my mum, brother, sister, daughter and now my partner and baby boy at the table, but I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness because the ones we’ve lost aren’t there. 

Christmas is not the same. It never will be, but now I get to see it through my beautiful babies eyes. Their nans, grandads, aunties, uncles, sisters, brothers, mums and dads. They’ll have those moments, hear those stories and I hope they cherish them because one day those people won’t be at the table, but your memories will stay with you always. Take lots of pictures, listen to every story, laugh and tell them you love them. Merry Christmas everyone x 


My brother and I in the 90’s 😱😂