Here ear…

The past three weeks have been a little bit of a nightmare. 

My daughter was booked in to have her ears pinned back, her first ever operation. She handled it wonderfully…no tears…no drama…mummy on the other hand had a full on Kim K cry face sob when she went under the anesetic. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, hoping everything would go to plan and I could have her back with me soon. 

Once she was under I was handed a little buzzer…you know the ones you get in the harvester?…I was told when she was awake the buzzer would go off and I could retrieve my child, which made me feel like I was waiting for a table not my baby lol! 

The operation is classed as a day case, so once she was awake, eating and drinking again she was allowed to go home.

After taking the bandages off, one ear looked more sore and redder than the other one – but that was the one that was more prominent so we thought nothing of it. She had no temperature, no pain, nothing so we just cleaned it everyday and hoped it was getting better.

When we went for her one week post op check up – we were told that they were not happy with the redder ear and she would have to be operated on again right there and then. I had the baby with me, no clothes or anything for Lulu and I was a bit shocked that my little girl was about to have her second anesetic & operation within a week. 

When she awoke the second time, she was sore and sad and that made my heart sink. I was also told that she would be kept in for a few days on strong iv antibiotics as the ear is a hard place for antibiotics to get too. The baby was not allowed to stay at the hospital so luckily we had lots of great family members on board to take it in turns with me as to who would stay what nights. I wanted to be with her all the time but also didn’t want to leave the baby for too long so it was difficult, the more children you have the harder it is to split yourself in these sorts of situations.

Anyway Lulu felt fab in herself following the op and I think started to get cabin fever stuck in the hospital with the lovely weather outside. It was almost one week after the second op, her ear looked great, she was doing really well and I was expecting them to say we could go home but they dropped another bombshell…they wanted her fasted from that evening to possibly have a third surgery in the morning. 

I lost it by this point. The thought of her having to have a third surgery in two weeks when she was making great progress really really upset me. Thankfully the next morning the surgeon came round and said her ears looked great and we could *finally* go home! Which was great timing as we had a holiday to Devon booked for the following day and she so needed the sea air and change of scenery. We’ve still got two weeks of oral antibiotics to get through and we’re not necessarily out of the woods yet but we’re on holiday…her ears look fantastic…her confidence has grown and she’s so happy with them…although I’ve been told I need to learn how to do plaits now haha! X 

To all of the wonderful nhs staff that looked after my baby and helped to calm my nerves…thank you 💗

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Anxiety about my children’s safety…

I’ve not told anyone. I don’t quite fully understand it myself yet – but for the last few months I’ve been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks.I keep having feelings that something awful will happen to my children, like someone taking them, hurting them or hurting me when I’m with them on my own and I won’t be able to protect them. I’m not sure whether it’s because I have two of them now so I can’t give both my 100% attention at the exact same time? If you have eyes on one you’re not watching the other one and visa versa. It’s really annoying me, I know I’m being irrational but I don’t know what to do?! I’m fine with them on the school run but if we go shopping or (heavens forbid) the park I start to panic and get all flushed. Some days I’m absolutely fine & I’m okay if another adult is with us (my partner or my mum etc) but some days I can’t sleep properly and can’t get those thoughts out of my head no matter how hard I try. 

It seems to get worse at certain times of the month, I looked it up and it’s actually a thing. PMS anxiety. Apparently we get a rapid increase in the hormone Cortisol when our periods are due, which is linked to anxiety. There are the usual tips online about keeping a stable, healthy diet, taking relaxing time for yourself and doing excercise to help but to be honest – I like eating cake, it’s raining outside (any excuse not to excercise) and who has time to relax with two young kids?! I know – I’m not helping myself. 

I just feel like I want to wrap the children up safe, make indoors like Fort Knox and maybe get them gps micro chipped?! (I don’t think that’s a thing…but it should be!) 

Has anyone else experienced this sort of anxiety and if so what did you do about it? You probably dealt with it in a much more adult way then me *gathers children and goes to play in the den under the dinner table until further notice* 

I’m hoping these feelings will pass as quickly as they came but I’m not holding out much hope. X 

Grey is not okay!…

So Halloween came a few days early for me when my hairdresser of many years said those words women around the globe dread to hear…’Oh look, it’s your first grey hair.’ Panic stirred inside me & I started having a ‘late twenties’ crisis (I hate to think what my mid life one will be like haha!) What have I achieved? Where is my life going? Will I ever meet the one? Will I have more babies? 

It seems like everything has flown by so quickly, I can remember being at reception in school…and now I have a daughter that goes to the very same school – with some of the teachers that taught me (wonder how old that makes them feel!) I remember my 18th, my 21st and all the years inbetween like it was yesterday but it wasn’t and that scares me. I wish I could go back and savour every moment good or bad. It’s like I was born…I fast forwarded 27 years…and now I’m a grey haired (one hair…but still)  *almost 30 year old 😱 when did life pass me by. Btw I know how totally dramatic I sound but one grey hair at a time my youth is slipping further and further away – so my crisis drove me to create a tinder account (I will update you in my next post about this lol)  book in for more regular hair maintenance appointments and I brought my first ever hat 😂 I may never take it off, how did you cope when you found your first one and how old were you? I know some people don’t mind…but for me – grey is not okay haha x

The school struggle…

How are all the parents out there coping with the struggle of our little ones going to full time school? The first two weeks for me were absolutely awful…she would cry before we got there…cry when I left her…and have the biggest smile on her face when she came out – but still repeat the whole crying routine every morning! We’d just managed to get to no tears – then she was off for a week with a really bad ear infection in both ears…so when it was time for school it was like starting reception all over again including the waterworks. 

Since then I have to admit she has been fine up until the last two days, Wednesday the teacher called me and said Lulu had been knocked over by an older child…then yesterday I got called in to pick her up with a black eye, a bloody nose and a bruised ego when a football had been accidentally kicked into her face by…you guessed it an older child! She’s nervous about going to school anyway and I’m worried she’ll start to get a complex the poor thing so the teachers got an ear bashing about not letting the year 2’s and the reception babies play together as the year 2’s are too rough! 

If I could wrap her in bubble wrap I would but I know we need to let them grow up! I hope she has a lovely, problem free day today so hopefully her school can take my number off of their speed dial lol! Hope all your babies are settling in fabulously at their new schools and you parents aren’t feeling the really bad empty nest syndrome like me…god knows what I’ll be like when the day comes that she actually does leave home 😉 x