Anxiety about my children’s safety…

I’ve not told anyone. I don’t quite fully understand it myself yet – but for the last few months I’ve been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks.I keep having feelings that something awful will happen to my children, like someone taking them, hurting them or hurting me when I’m with them on my own and I won’t be able to protect them. I’m not sure whether it’s because I have two of them now so I can’t give both my 100% attention at the exact same time? If you have eyes on one you’re not watching the other one and visa versa. It’s really annoying me, I know I’m being irrational but I don’t know what to do?! I’m fine with them on the school run but if we go shopping or (heavens forbid) the park I start to panic and get all flushed. Some days I’m absolutely fine & I’m okay if another adult is with us (my partner or my mum etc) but some days I can’t sleep properly and can’t get those thoughts out of my head no matter how hard I try. 

It seems to get worse at certain times of the month, I looked it up and it’s actually a thing. PMS anxiety. Apparently we get a rapid increase in the hormone Cortisol when our periods are due, which is linked to anxiety. There are the usual tips online about keeping a stable, healthy diet, taking relaxing time for yourself and doing excercise to help but to be honest – I like eating cake, it’s raining outside (any excuse not to excercise) and who has time to relax with two young kids?! I know – I’m not helping myself. 

I just feel like I want to wrap the children up safe, make indoors like Fort Knox and maybe get them gps micro chipped?! (I don’t think that’s a thing…but it should be!) 

Has anyone else experienced this sort of anxiety and if so what did you do about it? You probably dealt with it in a much more adult way then me *gathers children and goes to play in the den under the dinner table until further notice* 

I’m hoping these feelings will pass as quickly as they came but I’m not holding out much hope. X 

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The wonderful Harrods grotto 2017…

We were lucky enough to get tickets to see Father Christmas at Harrods grotto this year. I have been a few times before and always found it a lovely experience – but this year was even better. We arrived a little bit earlier than our allotted time slot and were allowed straight through (this could be because we went on a quiet day) where we were greeted by Ginger the elf and his friends who pointed us in the direction of the comfy bean bags and sofas ready for the show to begin. The elves put on a funny little skit for the children with magic, silliness and really fully engaged all the children. I have a six year old and an eight month old who were both laughing their heads off. While seated I noticed all the children’s names where written on the blackboard (they had let through three families into the ‘waiting area’) and referred to the them by name which they loved! Once the show was finished they handed all the children a big gold coin and told us parents/carers that we could take pictures while we waited – which we did in front of their gorgeous tree. 

Then after only a few minutes wait, one by one the families were called in to meet Santa and he did not disappoint! As soon as the door opened my daughters eyes widened with excitement. Santa was wonderful, he called her by her name without having to ask it first and also knew that she had started gymnastics this year (they ask for your children’s names, ages and something memorable that’s happened this year when you book online) he was brilliant, so patient and engaging with the children but also had a laugh with the parents aswell. We weren’t hurried at all. His lovely elf managed to get the baby’s attention long enough for us to get some great pictures that we’ll treasure forever and I was blown away by the presents they both received! They were handed a red Harrods bag with a gorgeous brown teddy bear inside, with Harrods embroided on the foot and a Harrods ribbon bow tie!  

From memory I think the grotto had only cost £10 for all of us to go and them to both receive a gift which was more than worth it – you do have to be a Harrods reward card holder to be able to get tickets and have spent money instore in the last 12 months though. All in all we had a fabulous day and if you’re travelling with a buggy like us there are ample lifts to go from floor to floor and huge bathrooms with lots of baby changing space and a buggy park so you don’t have to take it in the grotto with you. I think I loved it more than the children and ‘santa’ certainly restored a bit of my Christmas spirit. If you can get tickets – it’s so worth it. I hope we manage to get some for next year…merry Christmas everyone. X 

To donate, or not to donate…that is the question

This week I signed the organ donation register and received my donor card. I’ve been meaning to do it for a long time & I’m  not quite sure what stopped me. Maybe it was my own morbid anxieties about the thought of not being here anymore and a ridiculous thought I used to have. I thought they wouldn’t try as hard to save me as someone who wasn’t on the list (Crazy right?!) but becoming a mother and knowing that if my babies (God forbid) or I ever needed a transplant we would accept one gave me the kick up the a** I needed to get on the list. What good would they be to me once I’m gone? The only thing I was unsure about donating was my eyes but after speaking to my mum she made a very valid point that at least I’d still be able to see the world…every cloud eyy?! 
I’m not trying to sway your decision by any means, it’s a very personal choice but if you are thinking about it – just do it. Someone very close to my heart is on that waiting list so I know how important donations are imagine leaving your legacy as a life saver 💗 

Mamia Mia…

My little man is 7 months now – I know, I can’t actually believe it, time flys by & I just wanted to write a post on something we have been using since day one, The Mamia products from Aldi. I have to admit when I had my first child – I was a bit of a pampers snob, nothing else would do but when I had Rocco someone brought us a pack of Mamia nappies so I thought we may aswell give them a go & we’ve not looked back. They hold a lot of liquid and I don’t need to worry for instance on a slightly longer car journey that he may have leaked out of it, they have been fab! We’ve since got the nappy bags and baby wipes which I love, I use them on everything; the baby, the car, my face – you get the gist lol! What I particularly love about the wipes is that the packet dispenses one at a time so when you’re up to your elbows in a poosplosion you don’t need to worry about picking them apart like other brands that all stick together and make the unpleasant task even harder to complete. They are so reasonable aswell – he’s on size 4 nappies now and I think we got a box of about 84 nappies for around £5 which is fantastic. So I just wanted to say if like me you’re a bit of a nappy snob – don’t be! x 

A lot has changed…

So I’ve come to the realisation that I haven’t been a great blogger recently (or ever haha!) but I am determined to change that. Since I last checked in – I’ve had another baby.

Rocco is now a bouncing beautiful 3 month old and my oldest child Lulu will be SIX in 14 days. I am so lucky to have one of each, they are wonderful and I feel so blessed to be their mummy. He’s already sleeping through the night but is now getting teeth so all that might change soon *Yawn* He’s also already growing out of 3 – 6 month clothing, but he was 11lbs 7oz born – so what do you expect?!

 

It’s a very, very…mad world…

Driving around Surrey today I was overwhelmed by the amount of police I saw. Whether they were on foot patrol or in vehicles – there was just so many. While it’s reassuring, I suppose, to see them – to me it was also a very sad sight and a prominent reminder of the danger we could all be in at any given moment. 

There are so many natural diseases, disasters or accidents waiting to cut us down in our prime and I know firsthand how absolutely devastating that is after loosing my wonderful step dad Mark this year to Multiple sclerosis. He was 52. So please, let’s stop killing each other. Without trying to sound too much like Miss World, the older I’m getting the more I want world peace. I don’t want to be scared every time I go on a bus, train, plane or even just leave the house. Life is so short. So precious. Cherish it. 

I never understand the people that say they don’t want to get old. If you were playing a computer game, reaching the highest level would make you the winner. It should be seen the same for age – I think it would be a wonderful prize to reach 80, 90, 100+ To see my babies have babies. Their babies have babies and so on. To see all these little humans arrive in to the world that wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for you. To see the world change, hopefully for the better and to see things through an older & more wiser set of eyes. You guys are the winners in this game called life a lot don’t even make it far past the starting post. Be proud. Be thankful – and tell me your secrets 😉 x 

The New year started with a bang…

And no…I don’t mean all the fireworks – my boiler literally exploded with a huge bang just as I was about to head out on New Year’s Eve drenching me…and my whole flat in about 4 inches of water! Needless to say I was not really in the party spirit after that. That’s kind of why I haven’t been on here for a while, that and a few other things I’ll tell you about soon. But the great news is…I’ve met a new guy – he’s lovely 💜 we’ve been together just over 4 months now, the time has flown by! 

Hope you’ve all been keeping well and all the mummies out there have had a wonderful Mother’s Day! I got some beautiful cards and flowers from Lulu and we rounded off the day with big cuddles on the sofa and a ‘dramatic reading’ of Love you forever (if you’re a friends fan you’ll know) it’s such a beautiful children’s book. 

I just wanted to check in and say I haven’t forgotten about you and (in the voice of good old Arnie) ‘I’ll be back!’ 😉 x

Grey is not okay!…

So Halloween came a few days early for me when my hairdresser of many years said those words women around the globe dread to hear…’Oh look, it’s your first grey hair.’ Panic stirred inside me & I started having a ‘late twenties’ crisis (I hate to think what my mid life one will be like haha!) What have I achieved? Where is my life going? Will I ever meet the one? Will I have more babies? 

It seems like everything has flown by so quickly, I can remember being at reception in school…and now I have a daughter that goes to the very same school – with some of the teachers that taught me (wonder how old that makes them feel!) I remember my 18th, my 21st and all the years inbetween like it was yesterday but it wasn’t and that scares me. I wish I could go back and savour every moment good or bad. It’s like I was born…I fast forwarded 27 years…and now I’m a grey haired (one hair…but still)  *almost 30 year old 😱 when did life pass me by. Btw I know how totally dramatic I sound but one grey hair at a time my youth is slipping further and further away – so my crisis drove me to create a tinder account (I will update you in my next post about this lol)  book in for more regular hair maintenance appointments and I brought my first ever hat 😂 I may never take it off, how did you cope when you found your first one and how old were you? I know some people don’t mind…but for me – grey is not okay haha x

The school struggle…

How are all the parents out there coping with the struggle of our little ones going to full time school? The first two weeks for me were absolutely awful…she would cry before we got there…cry when I left her…and have the biggest smile on her face when she came out – but still repeat the whole crying routine every morning! We’d just managed to get to no tears – then she was off for a week with a really bad ear infection in both ears…so when it was time for school it was like starting reception all over again including the waterworks. 

Since then I have to admit she has been fine up until the last two days, Wednesday the teacher called me and said Lulu had been knocked over by an older child…then yesterday I got called in to pick her up with a black eye, a bloody nose and a bruised ego when a football had been accidentally kicked into her face by…you guessed it an older child! She’s nervous about going to school anyway and I’m worried she’ll start to get a complex the poor thing so the teachers got an ear bashing about not letting the year 2’s and the reception babies play together as the year 2’s are too rough! 

If I could wrap her in bubble wrap I would but I know we need to let them grow up! I hope she has a lovely, problem free day today so hopefully her school can take my number off of their speed dial lol! Hope all your babies are settling in fabulously at their new schools and you parents aren’t feeling the really bad empty nest syndrome like me…god knows what I’ll be like when the day comes that she actually does leave home 😉 x